28May11 Saturday
I've been looking for a way to reward myself for all the writing I do. But I've wanted to reward myself in such a way that fits into a few categories. One, I want to save for purchases but I feel like my budget is already tied up in other things and I can't quite figure out a better way to put money aside for them. Two, I want my purchases related to my writing. I want to have done a certain amount of work before I can purchase a new DVD player or speakers for my computer. You know the things that are more in the luxury area rather than the necessities.
One of my favorite inspiring shows to watch is Inside the Actor's Studio. I like the depth to it and I'm always surprised by the person who doesn't really interest me but drops some inspirational gem. Jay Leno was on there ages ago and I remember him saying that he has only lived off the money he's made as a comedian. He said that he does it so that he doesn't get lazy with it and continues to book gigs and do stuff related to his comedy. I've always liked that idea and somehow I've wanted to use that idea eventually. But of course I'd have to be making money from my writing. Not yet, but I will.
Anyhow I took the savings idea of paying yourself first and the idea of living off your passion and came up with the idea to pay myself to write. I've kept it simple and low yet enough that it can grow relatively quickly. So what I've been doing is paying myself a toonie for what I write. I pay $2 per poem; $2 per 1000 words in novel related writing and just recently added $2 per blog entry to get me back in to blogging.
So since the 2nd of this month I've earned $80. That money will be going up quicker for sure with the blog entries. And I have been writing a whole lot of poems lately which is a good feeling. I haven't decided what the first reward will be. Probably the computer speakers. I'm lost without music that I can blare. I had such beautifully loud speakers that I'd bought with my first imac way back when they were blueberry and grape etc. My cats running wild, managed to knock them off their perch onto the floor. The speakers continued to work for a few more years but they died recently and man, I needs me some new speakers. So to get them, I've got to write for them. And yes blogging again.
So much is happening these days, it feels time to blog again.
EY
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Amanda Hocking
5Mar11
Well it's time to begin again. It has been a zillion months since I blogged and it is time to get back to it. Not sure what I will include in this but I'm here again. And perfect timing, it is within the New Moon period. The New moon was yesterday and in Pisces, my sun sign.
I've come across a few links for Amanda Hocking lately and if you click the title of this entry you will be led to her blog. She sounds like she works hard and she has had some decent success, after years of hard work, of course. No one said this was easy.
I feel inspired by that and in the grand scheme of things when I think about all the effort I put into other people's work it really is time to put that focus on my dreams. You know how it is, when you are at a job that you bust your butt for and ensure that you give them your best work and then your evaluation is well an evaluation for some other person? When your evaluation is surely a "let's find bad things to say, even if they are not true." That kind of evaluation is such a huge message that you are putting your energy in the wrong place.
Especially since that place has caused me physical pain that has needed medical attention.
I think it's the Universe's way of telling me, you know what it's telling me...
Hope you are listening to the messages that the Universe is giving you.
EY
Well it's time to begin again. It has been a zillion months since I blogged and it is time to get back to it. Not sure what I will include in this but I'm here again. And perfect timing, it is within the New Moon period. The New moon was yesterday and in Pisces, my sun sign.
I've come across a few links for Amanda Hocking lately and if you click the title of this entry you will be led to her blog. She sounds like she works hard and she has had some decent success, after years of hard work, of course. No one said this was easy.
I feel inspired by that and in the grand scheme of things when I think about all the effort I put into other people's work it really is time to put that focus on my dreams. You know how it is, when you are at a job that you bust your butt for and ensure that you give them your best work and then your evaluation is well an evaluation for some other person? When your evaluation is surely a "let's find bad things to say, even if they are not true." That kind of evaluation is such a huge message that you are putting your energy in the wrong place.
Especially since that place has caused me physical pain that has needed medical attention.
I think it's the Universe's way of telling me, you know what it's telling me...
Hope you are listening to the messages that the Universe is giving you.
EY
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Nano Day 2
Tuesday 2Nov10
It's always a learning experience doing nanowrimo even if you end up with a crappy novel at the end of it.
I realized yesterday that I could goof off a whole lot and still write over 2000 words. That was a good thing to find out. Often what happens is that I'll be goofing off and think that I've blown my chances for any good writing for the day. Yesterday showed me different.
I'm also participating in Robert Lee Brewer's poem a day prompts for a poetry chapbook by the end of November. The first year I did it, he had us write poems around one theme. It gave me the idea to write poems in character. So this year as part of Nanowrimo I decided that I would use his prompts for my main character Arrabella. I start off my writing with his prompt and continue on with the novel. It's a good way to slip back into the novel with little pressure.
So far I'm at 3831 words for my nano novel and am about to take a break and do some yoga so I'm not all stiff from sitting at the computer and make loads more peppermint tea. I also decided this morning that I wanted to play some music so I've been listening to Miles Davis... Cookin' at the Plugged Nickel; No Blues and an album with the Lighthouse All Stars, can't remember the title. It's good. Got a good groove going.
Well, that's me for the lunch hour.
EY
It's always a learning experience doing nanowrimo even if you end up with a crappy novel at the end of it.
I realized yesterday that I could goof off a whole lot and still write over 2000 words. That was a good thing to find out. Often what happens is that I'll be goofing off and think that I've blown my chances for any good writing for the day. Yesterday showed me different.
I'm also participating in Robert Lee Brewer's poem a day prompts for a poetry chapbook by the end of November. The first year I did it, he had us write poems around one theme. It gave me the idea to write poems in character. So this year as part of Nanowrimo I decided that I would use his prompts for my main character Arrabella. I start off my writing with his prompt and continue on with the novel. It's a good way to slip back into the novel with little pressure.
So far I'm at 3831 words for my nano novel and am about to take a break and do some yoga so I'm not all stiff from sitting at the computer and make loads more peppermint tea. I also decided this morning that I wanted to play some music so I've been listening to Miles Davis... Cookin' at the Plugged Nickel; No Blues and an album with the Lighthouse All Stars, can't remember the title. It's good. Got a good groove going.
Well, that's me for the lunch hour.
EY
Monday, November 1, 2010
Nanowrimo
Well it's been a zillion years since I've blogged and a zillion years since I've done Nanowrimo. I figure since I've been working on my Nano novel, day 1 and 1700 words so far, I might as well write a blog entry. That's how it all starts up again by sitting down and starting.
I'm still on a bit of a high from the International Festival of Author's that takes place yearly here in Toronto. It was a fantastic year and the cartoonist Lynda Barry came back to the festival which was awesome. She has of course her book, "What it is" about writing and is apparently based on the stuff she teaches in her class, Writing the Unthinkable. And she came this year with her latest book, "Picture This" which I guess could be considered the drawing equivalent.
It was nice to see her again and nice to have a chance to chat with her. When I met her 2 years ago I'd said that I'd stopped drawing when I was a kid and she told me to pick it up again so I did. This go round I showed her the type of drawings I'd been doing since her suggestion and she was so excited and supportive and well, how could you not a) love her and b) be inspired to continue.
There really are so many exciting ideas in the world when you feel like getting back in touch with your creativity. During Dany Leferriere's reading, he read in French, I wrote down the words I could identify from his reading and wrote a poem based on the words I identified. It's funny how the most arbitrary little games can still bring me to what I'm really feeling at the time.
I guess, the gist of what Lynda Barry gave me was reminding me about how free we all were when we were kids. We could make a song out of nothing, we would sing and never thought about whether we KNEW how to sing or not, we could make up a story in response to someone telling us to tell them a story. I'm trying to go for that childhood freedom. Get back in touch with it. There are so many reasons to take care of the myriad of distractions that abound but if I take a moment to hear what my creative thoughts my creative wisdom is telling me, well I can spend a little bit of time soaking in my own happiness. Life is really rough without inner happiness.
EY
I'm still on a bit of a high from the International Festival of Author's that takes place yearly here in Toronto. It was a fantastic year and the cartoonist Lynda Barry came back to the festival which was awesome. She has of course her book, "What it is" about writing and is apparently based on the stuff she teaches in her class, Writing the Unthinkable. And she came this year with her latest book, "Picture This" which I guess could be considered the drawing equivalent.
It was nice to see her again and nice to have a chance to chat with her. When I met her 2 years ago I'd said that I'd stopped drawing when I was a kid and she told me to pick it up again so I did. This go round I showed her the type of drawings I'd been doing since her suggestion and she was so excited and supportive and well, how could you not a) love her and b) be inspired to continue.
There really are so many exciting ideas in the world when you feel like getting back in touch with your creativity. During Dany Leferriere's reading, he read in French, I wrote down the words I could identify from his reading and wrote a poem based on the words I identified. It's funny how the most arbitrary little games can still bring me to what I'm really feeling at the time.
I guess, the gist of what Lynda Barry gave me was reminding me about how free we all were when we were kids. We could make a song out of nothing, we would sing and never thought about whether we KNEW how to sing or not, we could make up a story in response to someone telling us to tell them a story. I'm trying to go for that childhood freedom. Get back in touch with it. There are so many reasons to take care of the myriad of distractions that abound but if I take a moment to hear what my creative thoughts my creative wisdom is telling me, well I can spend a little bit of time soaking in my own happiness. Life is really rough without inner happiness.
EY
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Taking Time For Myself
Sunday 21June09 11:22am
I took the month of April off from people. I went to work of course and was personable but my free time I saved for me only. I didn't make plans with friends and turned down any invitations. It wasn't easy to make people understand. It's funny that we can understand when a girlfriend has a new boyfriend and disappears to go build that new relationship but we can't see the same value when a person needs to disappear to build a relationship with ones self. Needless to say, it was difficult for some people to understand when I said, "I'll see you in May."
I'm a prime candidate to go on a silent retreat and thrive because of it. But that's just me. Most people I tell about it look at me like I'm crazy.
I didn't know what it was that I needed specifically other than time for myself. But as the month of April moved on into May and I was enjoying the time so much that I continued for the month of May, I realized that I needed to find my voice. Not necessarily my writing voice because I'm pretty clear about that but that other inside voice. My own authority. I find that my mind goes a mile a minute and I often hear what others have said to me, what others tell me what they think I should do. After a while it buries your own voice. You get away from what do you want for yourself and waste time fighting against advice that you never asked for.
Recently I said to a girl friend, "It's great that you have all these wonderful ideas for me but it's not your voice that I need to listen to, it's my voice." I know it is something that I will have to repeat.
During my time to myself I discovered that I have an insane amount of journals and letters and poems and dream journals that I have kept over a good 20 year period. I found my mother's journals, letters and poems as well. Sweet Jesus, it's a treasure trove that will take me years to look through. I got back into keeping track of my nightly dreams after reading 'Dreamways of the Iroquois' by Robert Moss. I forgot how much better I feel when I have some contact with my subconscious mind. And I wrote poems, a crazy amount of poems. I wrote 74 poems in April and 41 poems in May, thanks to Robert Lee Brewer at Poetic Asides.
He has a great poetry challenge every April, well this was the 2nd year in a row. He offers daily prompts to write a poem a day for the month of April. I was having so much fun writing a poem a day that I decided to go back to the year before and pick up those prompts as well. So I ended up writing two poems a day and an extra poem on Tuesdays. For May I picked up Robert's daily prompts from November of 2008 when the challenge was focused on writing a book of poems on one theme. I used those prompts to write poems in character.
I treated the poetry writing as a stream of consciousness and was thrilled to see what was in my mind on any given day. For the poems in character, those were more guided in that I had to ask, how would Kali or Rachel answer this prompt.
There are many gifts to be found in taking time out for yourself. It's not easy to commit to because people go crazy, get insulted, become needy... but if you can stick to it, for yourself.
My gifts from that time include: finding my journals and mom's journals; getting back to poetry which is what I started writing at 10 years old; keeping a dream journal which has always made me feel more centred, and over all a peace of mind that I've come out of and through the storm of the last couple years. Everything got so dark and painful and negative and excruciating for a good two years and at the end of all that I feel like I've come back to what truly makes me me and hearing it from within me. Giving myself permission to be me.
It's great that people have all these wonderful ideas for us but it's not their voices that we need to listen to, it's our own voice.
EY
I took the month of April off from people. I went to work of course and was personable but my free time I saved for me only. I didn't make plans with friends and turned down any invitations. It wasn't easy to make people understand. It's funny that we can understand when a girlfriend has a new boyfriend and disappears to go build that new relationship but we can't see the same value when a person needs to disappear to build a relationship with ones self. Needless to say, it was difficult for some people to understand when I said, "I'll see you in May."
I'm a prime candidate to go on a silent retreat and thrive because of it. But that's just me. Most people I tell about it look at me like I'm crazy.
I didn't know what it was that I needed specifically other than time for myself. But as the month of April moved on into May and I was enjoying the time so much that I continued for the month of May, I realized that I needed to find my voice. Not necessarily my writing voice because I'm pretty clear about that but that other inside voice. My own authority. I find that my mind goes a mile a minute and I often hear what others have said to me, what others tell me what they think I should do. After a while it buries your own voice. You get away from what do you want for yourself and waste time fighting against advice that you never asked for.
Recently I said to a girl friend, "It's great that you have all these wonderful ideas for me but it's not your voice that I need to listen to, it's my voice." I know it is something that I will have to repeat.
During my time to myself I discovered that I have an insane amount of journals and letters and poems and dream journals that I have kept over a good 20 year period. I found my mother's journals, letters and poems as well. Sweet Jesus, it's a treasure trove that will take me years to look through. I got back into keeping track of my nightly dreams after reading 'Dreamways of the Iroquois' by Robert Moss. I forgot how much better I feel when I have some contact with my subconscious mind. And I wrote poems, a crazy amount of poems. I wrote 74 poems in April and 41 poems in May, thanks to Robert Lee Brewer at Poetic Asides.
He has a great poetry challenge every April, well this was the 2nd year in a row. He offers daily prompts to write a poem a day for the month of April. I was having so much fun writing a poem a day that I decided to go back to the year before and pick up those prompts as well. So I ended up writing two poems a day and an extra poem on Tuesdays. For May I picked up Robert's daily prompts from November of 2008 when the challenge was focused on writing a book of poems on one theme. I used those prompts to write poems in character.
I treated the poetry writing as a stream of consciousness and was thrilled to see what was in my mind on any given day. For the poems in character, those were more guided in that I had to ask, how would Kali or Rachel answer this prompt.
There are many gifts to be found in taking time out for yourself. It's not easy to commit to because people go crazy, get insulted, become needy... but if you can stick to it, for yourself.
My gifts from that time include: finding my journals and mom's journals; getting back to poetry which is what I started writing at 10 years old; keeping a dream journal which has always made me feel more centred, and over all a peace of mind that I've come out of and through the storm of the last couple years. Everything got so dark and painful and negative and excruciating for a good two years and at the end of all that I feel like I've come back to what truly makes me me and hearing it from within me. Giving myself permission to be me.
It's great that people have all these wonderful ideas for us but it's not their voices that we need to listen to, it's our own voice.
EY
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Generosity
27Dec08 Saturday 1:48pm
I've been writing about and discovering what my 100 Demons are. Lynda Barry covers her demons in her comic book One Hundred Demons
One of my big ones has to do with generosity and other's perceptions of my generosity. It always interests me how we try so hard to change each other. "I think you should act this way," we say mostly through actions or finessing each other. I'm guilty of it myself. And well, one of my big ones is how certain people try to tell me that I'm not generous enough for their liking.
Being a woman, learning to say no is often a big priority on our to do list and that always falls in line with giving. We're raised to nurture and give and take a back seat to others in some way.
I've always thought of myself as being a generous person and I used to be that kind of generous where I would give more to others than I had for myself. But slowly and with time, I started to realize that giving the shirt off my back just left me freezing.
Why would anyone give the shirt off their back? It's ridiculous really. Okay, you don't have any clothes, you can wear my sweater but I'm keeping my jacket. Why is anyone else more important that you give them everything and you are left with nothing? It just doesn't make sense.
When we were kids, my step sisters and I all got allowances as most kids do. I got my allowance weekly and they got theirs monthly, since they didn't see their father everyday. Always, I shared my candies and whatever else I bought because I assumed that being the oldest of the girls that I was being given more money. Until that one day that the youngest told me that not only was her father giving her her allowance but my mother had slipped her 'extra' money. I learned that she actually had close to four times as much money than I had. That was way more than I had, I stopped sharing my candies. At some point the older of the two step sisters complained to her dad that she no longer wanted to come to our house anymore because, "Shelley isn't generous."
There was a big stink, words were exchanged, accusations were bandied about and finally I hit the parents with my knowledge of the girls receiving special treatment in a situation that I was constantly told was fair and even. Silence. I don't know what was said to the step sister but she started coming back again. No doubt they paid her more money than they had already previously been doing.
I find that today that I still come up against people who have way more than I have and then want me to give them what I have. Maybe I am selfish but I have never understood why I should give all that I have to someone who has so much.
The other day an acquaintance was scoping out the loot I received for Christmas from people I've done business with throughout the year. The acquaintance asked me if I was going to share with my loot with my co-workers and I said no. "You're not going to share any of that with your guys? So you're just going to bring that all home?" and he asked with that tonality of disapproval.
I had to laugh at the immediate judgement that hung in the air. I've told this person before when he attempted to get me to 'share' my lunch with him that I do not take care of people who don't need it.
It's a weird caretaking thing that mainly men attempt to push me into without taking into consideration that none of my purchases come easily. If I'm buying a lot of cherries in the summer then there is something that I'm doing without. I never have this and that, I have to choose between this or that and then I get enough to cover me and rarely any extras. I'm not the wife, mother or caretaker for anyone and I really don't have any extra to give especially when it comes to people whose pockets are overflowing with stuff. And I have to start saying that much like learning how to say no.
Generosity has to do with wanting to give, not being forced to give or coerced into giving. I don't have to share every single thing I have with every single fucking person in my life. I choose to feed squirrels and not pigeons. I see many people feeding the pigeons clearly they are taken care of without my bread. I choose to share with whomever I choose to share with. That doesn't make me generous or selfish, it makes me somebody who makes choices.
Oh well! First ranty blog entry in a long ass while on a New Moon no doubt. It bodes well for more articulate entries.
EY
I've been writing about and discovering what my 100 Demons are. Lynda Barry covers her demons in her comic book One Hundred Demons
One of my big ones has to do with generosity and other's perceptions of my generosity. It always interests me how we try so hard to change each other. "I think you should act this way," we say mostly through actions or finessing each other. I'm guilty of it myself. And well, one of my big ones is how certain people try to tell me that I'm not generous enough for their liking.
Being a woman, learning to say no is often a big priority on our to do list and that always falls in line with giving. We're raised to nurture and give and take a back seat to others in some way.
I've always thought of myself as being a generous person and I used to be that kind of generous where I would give more to others than I had for myself. But slowly and with time, I started to realize that giving the shirt off my back just left me freezing.
Why would anyone give the shirt off their back? It's ridiculous really. Okay, you don't have any clothes, you can wear my sweater but I'm keeping my jacket. Why is anyone else more important that you give them everything and you are left with nothing? It just doesn't make sense.
When we were kids, my step sisters and I all got allowances as most kids do. I got my allowance weekly and they got theirs monthly, since they didn't see their father everyday. Always, I shared my candies and whatever else I bought because I assumed that being the oldest of the girls that I was being given more money. Until that one day that the youngest told me that not only was her father giving her her allowance but my mother had slipped her 'extra' money. I learned that she actually had close to four times as much money than I had. That was way more than I had, I stopped sharing my candies. At some point the older of the two step sisters complained to her dad that she no longer wanted to come to our house anymore because, "Shelley isn't generous."
There was a big stink, words were exchanged, accusations were bandied about and finally I hit the parents with my knowledge of the girls receiving special treatment in a situation that I was constantly told was fair and even. Silence. I don't know what was said to the step sister but she started coming back again. No doubt they paid her more money than they had already previously been doing.
I find that today that I still come up against people who have way more than I have and then want me to give them what I have. Maybe I am selfish but I have never understood why I should give all that I have to someone who has so much.
The other day an acquaintance was scoping out the loot I received for Christmas from people I've done business with throughout the year. The acquaintance asked me if I was going to share with my loot with my co-workers and I said no. "You're not going to share any of that with your guys? So you're just going to bring that all home?" and he asked with that tonality of disapproval.
I had to laugh at the immediate judgement that hung in the air. I've told this person before when he attempted to get me to 'share' my lunch with him that I do not take care of people who don't need it.
It's a weird caretaking thing that mainly men attempt to push me into without taking into consideration that none of my purchases come easily. If I'm buying a lot of cherries in the summer then there is something that I'm doing without. I never have this and that, I have to choose between this or that and then I get enough to cover me and rarely any extras. I'm not the wife, mother or caretaker for anyone and I really don't have any extra to give especially when it comes to people whose pockets are overflowing with stuff. And I have to start saying that much like learning how to say no.
Generosity has to do with wanting to give, not being forced to give or coerced into giving. I don't have to share every single thing I have with every single fucking person in my life. I choose to feed squirrels and not pigeons. I see many people feeding the pigeons clearly they are taken care of without my bread. I choose to share with whomever I choose to share with. That doesn't make me generous or selfish, it makes me somebody who makes choices.
Oh well! First ranty blog entry in a long ass while on a New Moon no doubt. It bodes well for more articulate entries.
EY
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
So Many Things to Blog
25Nov08 Tuesday 10:07pm
I've been going through an interesting little relationship thing as of late. A male acquaintance has been sharing some of his relatiionship issues with me. And I've been offering some of my suggestions from the female perspective. It's interesting to know some of the questions that men have when in serious committed relationships. It's curious how men don't always know how to handle us and that we can be so oblivious to that fact. It has always felt to me that I have had so many questions about any boyfriend I've had specifically about his behaviour and I marvel at how men have similar types of questions about women and their behaviour. Interesting.
I've been working through many personal issues over the last few months. Got the part time job to deal with the money issues. Had the ergonomics specialist into my day job to offer suggestions to help me deal with the pain issue. I've written and thought about my staying issue with the full time job. Really it's my running away and leaving issue that I've been notorious for in years past. I realized over the last year or so that eventually I had to stay in one place long enough to not only just build relationships but work through the stuff that comes up with people when you've known them for a long time. And just not run away at the first sign of real trouble.
It's been a busy year of work issues and power struggles and annoyances and relationship shifts and the like. And I've come through it with the same people in the same corner and a little more understanding that people I genuinely care about can fail me, can prop me up and all kinds of other stuff in between. I guess it comes down to seeing people realistically.
Oh well, bad timing to blog. I'm at my part time job and as I can watch the show on the monitor I have to watch my favorite part of the show. But I think it's time to start blogging again. There are so many things to comment on.
EY
I've been going through an interesting little relationship thing as of late. A male acquaintance has been sharing some of his relatiionship issues with me. And I've been offering some of my suggestions from the female perspective. It's interesting to know some of the questions that men have when in serious committed relationships. It's curious how men don't always know how to handle us and that we can be so oblivious to that fact. It has always felt to me that I have had so many questions about any boyfriend I've had specifically about his behaviour and I marvel at how men have similar types of questions about women and their behaviour. Interesting.
I've been working through many personal issues over the last few months. Got the part time job to deal with the money issues. Had the ergonomics specialist into my day job to offer suggestions to help me deal with the pain issue. I've written and thought about my staying issue with the full time job. Really it's my running away and leaving issue that I've been notorious for in years past. I realized over the last year or so that eventually I had to stay in one place long enough to not only just build relationships but work through the stuff that comes up with people when you've known them for a long time. And just not run away at the first sign of real trouble.
It's been a busy year of work issues and power struggles and annoyances and relationship shifts and the like. And I've come through it with the same people in the same corner and a little more understanding that people I genuinely care about can fail me, can prop me up and all kinds of other stuff in between. I guess it comes down to seeing people realistically.
Oh well, bad timing to blog. I'm at my part time job and as I can watch the show on the monitor I have to watch my favorite part of the show. But I think it's time to start blogging again. There are so many things to comment on.
EY
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